ARE THREESOMES THA NEW RAGE



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When Cosmo polled more than 15,000 men fore August 2003 sex survey, something we've always suspected turned out to be true: 48 percent of the respondents--almost half!--said their top fantasy was to have a threesome with their girlfriend and another woman. Bob Berkowitz, Ph.D., author of His Secret Life: Male Sexual Fantasies, explains the appeal: "If having sex with one woman is terrific, having sex with two must be twice as nice," he says. "Plus, most manage a trois fantasies let the man be the center of attention and desire."

That's not so surprising but something else is: according to experts, threesomes are catching on. "There's been a shift in what's considered sexually off-limits," says Barbara Coulon, vice president of trends at trend-tracking agency Youth Intelligence. "Threesomes are still pushing boundaries, but it's just not as much of a taboo as it was 10 years ago, especially among college students." Read on to learn more about the menage a trois trend.

the reason threesomes are such a turn-on

If your guy drools at the mere mention of menage a trois, it's not because you're not enough It's more like "Hey, if I can double my pleasure, why not!" TJ *, 22, has had several threesomes while at college. He says, "The first time it happened, I felt like, I'd won the lottery. Suddenly, I had two of everything--two pairs of hands all over my body, two sets of breasts to touch and look at. It was almost sensory overload." Aside from the eye-candy element, he also got a turn-on tutorial from his three-some hookup. "Watching one woman please another woman gave me huge in-sight into what women want."


But besides the obvious two-is-better-them-one mentality, threesomes let guys have their cake and eat it too. "Many men in relationships see a menage a trois as a safe way to be naughty with a chick other than their girlfriend," says Berkowitz. "In their minds, it doesn't qualify as cheating."

Is three no longer a crowd?

These days, it's not just guys who are looking to try threesomes. More and more girls are initiating the action, says Yvonne K. Fulbright, professor of human sexuality at New YorkUniversity and author of The Hot Guide to Safer Sex. "First it was girls kissing in clubs to get attention from guys," says Fulbright. "Now the adventure ante has been upped, and women are engaging out of heightened curiosity, their own pleasure, mad the desire to please a man."

A campus ritual that may be dieting the trend is rampant use of such drugs as Ecstasy, which obliterates inhibitions, says Andrea Lazarus, a therapist at University of California at Los Angeles' Female Sexual Medicine Center. Says Lazarus, "Part of being on E is being overtly sexual and wanting to be touched. A lot of experimentation happens when there are drugs or alcohol in the mix, because your inhibitions are seriously lowered."

Another reason more-than-one fun might be on the rise is because of what we watch onscreen. Tune in to reality shows like Elimidate or MTV's Dismissed and there's a girl-on-girl kissing scene or steamy hot-tub action in almost every episode. On Sex and the City, even buttoned-up Charlotte had a menage a trois moment. Suggestive sexual trios are even seeping into ads, such as an Amstel Light commercial that shows a girl in a bar with her date's hand on one of her knees and an unknown female's hand touching her other knee, with the tagline "We believe in having the best of both worlds."

fantasy vs. reality

Even if you agree that a steamy, intertwined party of three looks hot in ads and on TV, if you're like the majority of women, you have reservations about going there yourself. For women, threesomes can sometimes be a triple threat instead of a triple treat. Heidi, 26, found this out when she had a menage a trois with her boyfriend, John, and her best friend, Julie. "I wanted to look cool, and he told me it was a huge fantasy of his. So one day, I was kissing John in front of her, and I said to him, "Aren't you going to kiss Julie?" At first, I encouraged it, but then I felt horrible when I saw him kissing her breasts and complimenting her on them. She and I had been friends for 10 years, and afterward I couldn't speak to either of them for years."

A guy also may wish he'd thought twice about suggesting three-way action. That's because living out the menage a trois fantasy can actually extinguish its power. "A threesome is a great fantasy for men, but sometimes, they don't think the endgame through," says Berkowitz. "They get so hot and bothered just thinking about it, they don't consider the consequences." For example, Alison, 22, was a student in Alabama when her best friend asked her to join her and her boyfriend. "We started making out in front of him, but he freaked out. He was a somewhat traditional guy, and it was just too much for him. I think he was uncomfortable with the idea that she was with anyone else, even me."

Luckily, if you're open to catering to your guy's threesome fantasy (while satisfying your own curiosity), there are ways to do it that don't jeopardize your twosome. Cheek out the box below for our sexy suggestions that ensure you won't be overshadowed.

* Names have been changed.

Women May Be More Open-Minded Than Men

According to a new study from Northwestern University, straight women become aroused watching anyone getting it on in porn films (even two men), but straight men only get substantially turned on when a woman is in the action.

Curious? Consider This

We're not gonna tell you not to have one, but beware the potential pitfalls:

Jealousy kicks in. Imagining your man with another woman may not bother you now, but it's hard to be so blase in the moment.

The fantasy falls flat. One of you may feel uncomfortable midtryst or resentful later on.

The ante is upped. From now on, you may wonder how kinky you'll have to be to excite your mate.

Trust goes bust. With the lines of faithfulness blurred, you may worry hell feel free to hook up with someone when you're away.
 

SOURCES: FELICE DUNAS, PH.D., AUTHOR OF PASSION PLAY, AND DREW PINSKY, M.D., OF LOVELINE

Sexy Ways to Have a Mock Menage a Trois

It's natural not to want another chick intruding on your interlude. Here's how to create a threesome effect without having to share your man:

1 Give Him Dual Pleasure

Blindfold him and stimulate a few faraway body parts simultaneously so he'll feel like two women are touching him. Slip into the 69 position. While orally pleasuring him, massage his calves with one hand and sensually rub his tush with the other.

2 Role-Play

Switch back and forth between a take-charge, pin-him-to-the-wall persona and a submissive sex kitten, or slip away midtryst and come back with a sex toy or a naughty costume. He'll get a taste of having two women in the same night.

3 Go Video

Sometimes, watching others get raunchy in multiples is sexier (and safer) than doing it yourself. You don't need to go to a live sex show--just rent an adult video with threesome action and watch it with your man while making love.



Source Citation: Gaynor, Julia. "Are threesomes the new rage? Getting it on with two girls has long been a favorite male fantasy. But these days, more and more women seem game to try it. Cosmo looks at this previously taboo trend." Cosmopolitan 235.5 (Nov 2003): S26(2). InfoTrac OneFile.

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