PROMOTING INTIMACY AND OTHER - CENTERED SEXUALITY

 

Recreational Sex An Insider's Guide To The Swinging Lifestyle
By the editor of Connection Magazine, Patti Thomas

Dave says ...Wow.... Despite the title which may turn off some looking for real relationships not just the traditional recreational sex of swinging this is the first book I can endorse as being a practical guide, especially for new and hesitant couples. Some prior guides I've reviewed have been more personal fantasy experiences which for some people are great, but this is the first book I've reviewed that is personal, concise and very practical.

For example, In the first page of the first chapter she wonderfully addresses the issue "Why would a couple want to swing if they're happy together?" This is one of the most frequent questions I get from "straight" couples not in the lifestyle. My answer is very similar to hers and I like the way she has summarized it.

Patti also does a great job of addressing jealousy (insecurity) and other issues along with practical ideas on finding people, different styles of swinging, establishing your "speed limit", erotic icebreaker games, how to get out of a bad situation, clubs and an overview of some of the major swing conventions, and much more!

It even has a good photo section but the emphasis is on practical information, not just another sexy picture book that mostly appeals to men..especially single men wannabees which are in huge oversupply vs. very low demand. Patti leaves out what I consider some of the more important reasons why only a few clubs are open to single males, but otherwise the single male (not singles) topic is covered very well. She did leave out one of my favorite conventions, Reflections in Florida which is sponsored by a group of some great Florida club owners. Next Reflections convention is in January 2000, in Daytona Beach Florida.

I had a humorous experience at the Visions Convention where I was a presenter. Herman Nietzche, who was coordinating presentations, told me Patti was trying to find me but didn't have any idea what I looked like. Herman told Patti, "you just passed him in the hall." We finally met and have a great conversation. I had forgotten she had asked permission to use some of our newsletter material, and I of course welcomed her to use anything she might find useful. I was pleasantly surprised to find near the end of the book all the material and her discussion of Liberated Christians. That may also explain why we seem to be getting more calls to our voicemail from all over the U.S. in the last few months!

SEXUAL INTIMACY DISCUSSION For LC Parties
Included on back page of all party announcements

As we have tried to share in the Fellowship Group and newsletters, we seek to be a safe place where loving physical and emotional intimacy will take place between people who get to know, trust and enjoy each other sensually and perhaps sexually. Loving intimacy is much more than just body parts coming together for sexual release. Loving intimacy should be other-centered relating which seeks the best emotional, spiritual and physical pleasure for your partner. We are especially concerned that women are treated with love and respect, as they have often been hurt the most by less than loving attitudes regarding sexuality.

Our parties provide the opportunity for sharing different levels of sensuality/sexuality when mutually desired between consenting adults, recognizing the natural desire for loving intimacy and sexuality with a variety of people who care and trust each other, with dignity and respect for everyone's limits and wishes.

Such intimacy sharing may or may not progress to intercourse - as you choose. Men are not expected to "perform". Many men are not always "up" to it, especially in a group. Women should take responsibility to say "no, I'll pass" if they don't want to be with men who approach them. The man should take that as a nice turndown without trying to get her to say "I'm really not attracted to you.!" Of course, men should also turn down women they don't want to share with. But remember, even if you aren't terribly attracted to someone, often you may find you do enjoy intimacy with them. Sometimes those not "attractive" by today's cultural standards may actually be the best lovers. Sensuality and foreplay are often just as enjoyable as intercourse. Foreplay does not mean "ready - brace".

The only rule is No means No. YOU are responsible to make your limits and desires known and YOU are responsible for respecting every other person's limits and desires.

Participation is NOT an invitation to be groped or to have sex with anyone. Anyone seriously violating another's wishes may be asked to leave and not invited to future meetings.

There is also nothing wrong with sharing intercourse if that is mutually desired! Safe sex practices and being responsible for your own emotional and physical health is your responsibility. We have no rule regarding condom use. Since the risk of passing HIV and other STDs between healthy, aware, non-drug using heterosexuals is very low, we leave safe sex to your decision. However, we respect those who only want to have sex using condoms. No couple should have intercourse unless both agree to the use or nonuse of condoms.

 

BEFORE YOU COME COUPLES SHOULD DISCUSS

EMOTIONAL ISSUES.

Especially if you are new to more traditional swinging, it is very important you discuss with your partner openly and honestly your feelings about your partner's possible sharing with others.

We suggest you do not have to share couple to couple. You may wish to split up and not always be with your partner. BUT.....how does your partner feel about this? Will he/she be jealous, possessive, or terrified if you don't stay together as a couple? You should decide if you are going to only stay together or free each other to share individually. Both are legitimate options. These issues force honest communications of feelings. Sharing with others does not have to result in jealousy but simply sharing for the moment, enjoying the freedom and being able to remain primarily centered with your regular partner. You can enjoy sharing your experiences with your partner afterwards. Open relationships is about freedom to express loving intimacy with a variety of people without risk to your prime relationship. However, jealously issues may come up, especially for those new to the lifestyle. You should agree before the meeting what your participation, if any, might be. Of course, you can modify any agreements as you feelings change.

ENJOY...PARTY...HAVE FUN AND FULFILLMENT ... WITH DIGNITY, LOVE AND RESPECT
 

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